Overcoming depression

Presently I am going through a tough phase of my life. I had a girlfriend and we both were in love. But due to some reason we both broke up recently. I am depressed and unable to concentrate on my studies. Often I have suicidal thoughts. Please let me know how to come out from depression due to a love failure? Give me some steps. - Rajath, Rajahmundry.

Do not brood over your past failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future. – Sivananda.

‘If you love somebody let them go. If they return they were always yours. If they don’t they never were’ - David Harkins

Most of the young age girls and boys are getting depression after their love lives fail. They are unable to focus and care about their studies, career and family. Sometimes they are opting to commit suicide. Love is a magic world and it is always colourful and full of happiness till it lasts. Love failure has become so common in this modern society. Youngsters fall in love very easily and fall out of love more easily. When the love from your side is true and when the love is not reciprocated you feel that it is the end of your world. You lose interest in your studies and work; you alienate from friends and family and present a picture of depression. Failure in love is a heart breaking experience.

A study found that almost 80% of the guys go into depression after a girl rejects his love after being close to him. The probable reasons could be; the boy may feel that a girl who has been so close to him and understood him very well is not in a position to accept his love so; there might be something wrong with him. The other reason could be ''will I get a girl like her in my future’ this will be his feeling. Some guys take the rejection of a girl as personal failure and go in to depression. There are guys who are really depressed because of love failure and gave their lives for the sake of it.

Rezek, a British clinical psychologist recognised the following symptoms of depression.

1. A sense of hopelessness.

2. Increased anxiety or despair.

3. Noticeable changes in eating or sleeping patterns, such as lack of appetite or binge eating, insomnia or sleeping far more than normal.

4. Lack of interest in social activities in which you would normally participate.

5. Marked decline in academic or sporting achievements.

6. Preoccupation with death, dying or suicide.

7. Self-harming behavior, such as cutting or excessive substance misuse.

According to Gilda Charle, PhD, family members and other close friends have to be supportive when a teen is going through heart break by telling him/her that break-ups are hard and they are there for him whenever he wants to speak to them. She said that girls often cope with breakups by talking on the phone with their friends or by chatting on internet. "They review all the hurts and pains, which is soothing," Carle says. However, boys react to broken relationships differently. "Boys often become angry since that is the only emotional option that society sanctions for boys," Carle says. Some boys hide their pain.

HOW TO COME OUT OF DEPRESSION AND LOVE FAILURE

You can overcome love failure if you put in some effort to become normal again.Use your breakup as an opportunity to become the person you have always wanted to be. Focus more on your academics, develop skill which you are interested in and was unable to set time aside. Develop a hobby and practice it. There has never been a better time to set these goals in motion, and now you have a lot more time to do it! Just because your relationship didn't work out doesn't mean you can't be happy. Have a good time.

You should not keep brooding on the days spent together and move on in your life. Concentrate on your studies and something you are passionate about and you will feel your sense of loss diminishing. Consider yourself lucky that the person you loved has showed her true face. Do not keep your feelings within you, as you will feel the pain for a long time. Spill your feelings to a close friend or your near one and when you have their support you will feel soothed. Take a break and go on a vacation. Change of place can help you, as the changed environment makes you forget the torn feelings inside. Do not be alone as loneliness can aggravate your feelings. Be with your friends or someone who cares for you.

Steps:

1. Get outside. Exposure to bright sunlight for 30 minutes a day. Sunlight which helps keep your internal clock set. This circadian rhythm helps to regulate our sleep/ wake cycle and insures a good night’s sleep which in turn, helps our physical and mental well- being.

2. Surround yourself with people who love and care for you. Your depression gets better when you reach out to others who will sympathise and lift you up. Their presence and support can help you heal faster.

3. Reprogramme your mind. Guard your heart. Most heartache is caused by impulsive decisions. Jumping from one relationship to another immediately after a heart break is damaging and exhaustive because you may take a wrong decision and make the wrong choice.

4. Love yourself! Have some time for you. Remember that you are an amazing person and you deserve much better than what you had.

5. Have family time. Your family is important people to you. Watch movies with them, go out to eat, do a traditional family activity.

Warnings:

• Don't keep running back. Although it seems like it will make things better, it's only temporary. If you keep running back, it just makes it that much worse in the end.
• No stalking! Don't resort to tracking your ex-girlfriend’s every movement. It will make you feel worse. You don't need to know about her. You simply need to let it be.
• Even if you feel like you hate her, don't bad-mouth her, it will make you feel worse when your guilt kicks in after you say it.
• Don't stop doing things/watching things/listening to things etc. just because it will remind you of your past love.
• Don't drink alcohol or get addicted to drugs to help get rid of your problems. It won't help in the long run, and it might end up making things worse.
• Focus on your health! Eat a cleaner diet and exercise more. You will look better, and feel better. Eat omega 3 oil rich foods like dry fruits, flaxseeds etc.
• Exercise is a great cure for depression. Hit the gym. Exercise at least for 30 minutes three times a week which increases the release of endorphins which help to release stress.
• If you feel suicidal, seek help. Nothing in your life should push you to that point. Consult an experienced and trained psychologist to come out of the pain and grief.