Teenagers don’t listen? Or are we not speaking their language?

Manyparents of teenagers often say, “My child doesn’t listen to me anymore.” “When they were younger, they listened and obeyed. Now they argue or stay silent.” If you feel this way, you’re not alone. Almost every parent of a teenager experiences this confusion. But here’s a gentle truth: teenagers aren’t ignoring you — they’re changing, both inside and out. And more than instruction, they want understanding.

Why do teenagers seem distant?

Teenage years are a time of major transformation. Their bodies are growing, hormones are shifting, and they’re trying to discover who they are. That’s why they may:

• Seem constantly irritated

• Want more privacy

• Stop sharing everything like they used to

• Start making their own (sometimes questionable) decisions

This is normal. It doesn’t mean they’re turning into “bad kids.” It means they’re slowly becoming adults — in their own way.

What teenagers actually want from parents

Even if they don’t express it directly, teenagers still want a few important things:

• To feel heard

If they share something, avoid immediately correcting them or saying, “That’s wrong.” Instead, try: “I understand. Tell me more.”

• To feel respected

Statements like “You never listen!” or “You always do this!” can feel insulting. A better approach might be: “Can we talk about this together?”

• To feel supported

They need us to walk beside them — not always lead from the front or push from behind.

What can we do differently?

Here are three simple shifts that can make a big difference:

• Talk less, listen more

Sometimes, skip the advice. Just be a calm listener.

• Ask, don’t order

Instead of “Do your homework now!”, try “What time do you plan to finish your homework?”

• Stay calm during drama

If they shout or cry, don’t mirror the emotion. Take a deep breath and say, “I’m here for you.”

Your role is changing — and that’s okay

When they were little, you were their hero. Now, you’re becoming their guide. They may not say “I love you” often or run into your arms — but they still need your love, presence, and patience.

Affirmation for parents of teens:

“My child is growing. I am growing with them. I choose connection over control.”

Teenagers may not always listen with their ears, but they watch us closely with their hearts. Be the safe space they want to return to — no matter what.