Learning to live with infirmities

From my childhood, I always thought that only one of the two ears was expected to work. I, therefore, used to jokingly tell others that my left ear was the "right" ear. On the practical front, I used to sit either in front of or on the right side of the person I was speaking with. My bluff was, however, called when I appeared for the physical test of the civil services examination

It was a somewhat defective model to begin with. I was, in all likelihood, born with genetically inherited myopia. However, it was accidentally detected when I was around nine years old. As I was a fairly good student, I usually occupied the front bench in class, as I was not afraid of being questioned by the teachers. One day, on account of heavy rains, I was late to school, which was a good 2 kms away from my home.

No luxury of school buses in those days. I quietly sneaked into the class and sat down on the last bench. From that distance, I could not, literally, see the writing on the blackboard properly. When I told this to my father later, I was taken for an eye test. I was prescribed eyeglasses with the power of minus three.

One of my ears, too, was non-functional. From my childhood, I always thought that only one of the two ears was expected to work. I, therefore, used to jokingly tell others that my left ear was the "right" ear. On the practical front, I used to sit either in front of or on the right side of the person I was speaking with.

My bluff was, however, called when I appeared for the physical test of the civil services examination. The paramedic testing my hearing did not find my 'joke' funny at all. He blocked my left ear with a finger and whispered something in my right for me to repeat. However, I could not, for the life of me, hear and repeat what he had said.

I was a bit depressed; but perked up a little when another examinee loudly said "idiot", after the paramedic had ostensibly whispered "88" in one of her ears. When I returned home, my father took me to an ENT specialist, who confirmed that I was stone deaf in my "wrong" ear. Somehow, it did not stand in the way of the selection of either me or my "idiot" mouthing colleague. I was disqualified, though, for certain uniformed services because of my eyesight related issues.

Despite these defects, things went along quite smoothly during my long career spanning almost 45 years. Then, a little later, when I was in my late seventies, during Covid-19 (with which I had a bout) period and subsequently, jara andvyadhi (illnesses and old age) took over.

First came blurred vision in the left eye. Given my age, I thought it could be cataract. Upon investigation it was found to be something quite different and incurable. It was called 'Age-Related Macular Degeneration' (ARMD). I had not heard of it before, but when I shared it with others, several of them knew of persons, who were suffering from it. I was administered a few injections in the retina to prevent it from spreading further.

A few days after I got my last injection, I was, literally, down on the floor with another disease I had not heard of earlier, namely, electrolyte imbalance. This time, again, when I mentioned it to others, they happened to know someone or the other who had suffered from it. I was hospitalised and bedridden for long periods. It has greatly curtailed my mobility.

A couple of years later, my right eye too was affected by ARMD; so much so that I am now barely able to read newspaper headlines with difficulty. To restore my mobility, I have regularly used physiotherapy and massage, coupled with daily walks. I always carry a stick. I have also engaged a full-time helper to move around with me. It ensures that I do not accidentally fall and break any bones.

As regards the vision, for reading I use a table lamp and a magnifying glass with light operated by a switch. I have also increased the font size on my desktop and mobile. A special glass for mid-distance (desktop)eyeglasses, in addition to the existing two (long distance and near distance) glasses,was also prescribed. Some of my cohorts are using Kindle or audio editions of books to cope with difficulty in reading.

For writing, I have used dictation software for a very long time. I have now added an App called "Grammarly" to my arsenal, to catch and correct mistakes, which I could easily do with my eyes earlier. I have downloaded a dictation App on my mobile too to dictate and transfer the text to the desktop. Using this App, I had dictated an article from the hospital bed, which was later published in The Hindu. I am learning to use the text-to-speech feature of my mobile. These devices have made my life a little better.

For filing my income tax return, I have an understanding with my CA. I have to ensure that he gets the bank statement, interest certificate etc. from my banks. Thereafter I have only to tell him the OTP at the time of uploading of the return.

My father used to narrate a parable. Once there was a wise man, who was greatly revered by the villagers. Whenever anyone approached him with a problem, his stock advice used to be: "Child, it does not matter, it could have been worse". Some came away quite satisfied, but others could not digest it after a few times. One young man was so disgusted that he decided to kill the sage.

One day, very early in the morning, when the sage was about to step out of his hut to go to the river, as was his daily routine, the young man stood at the entrance, with a sword in hand, to behead him. However, somehow the sage stumbled at the threshold and was about to fall. The young man forgot about his plan, threw away his sword, and helped the sage stand on his feet. The young man then enquired: "Baba, are you hurt?"

The wise man replied, "Child, it does not matter; it could have been worse".

(The writer is a retired IAS officer and former Secretary-General, Rajya Sabha, Parliament of India)