The fascinating customs of Indian marriages

In a Muslim wedding, vows are usually recited by the Imam, an important one being each party to the marriage promising to be sincere and faithful to the other. An important aspect of the ceremony is the father's doing 'Kanyadaan' or the giving away of the bride to the groom. A 'Sangeet' or a musical night or a musical party is another event that is common in north Indian marriages, a practice now being followed in south Indian weddings also.

In Sikh weddings, the couple goes four times around the holy Guru Granth Sahib. During the wedding proper, in a Christian marriage, which is conducted in a Church, readings of the Bible take place, vows are made, and rings are exchanged by the bride and the bridegroom.

A very endearing Hindu custom, especially in the southern states, is when the bride and the bridegroom are taken (preferably in a palanquin), on what is known in Telugu as an 'ooregimpu' with friends and relatives forming a procession in advance and behind to the accompaniment of drums and 'Shehnai. It is believed that the custom originated from the need to publicise the fact that the event had taken place. I remember how I cried and cried till I also was allowed to sit in the palanquin when my sister got married at Kakinada! The couple also takes seven steps together around the fire, with each step representing vows, also called 'phere' in Hindi. Before tying the 'mangalsutra' the bridegroom recites a shloka with the expression 'Nathicharami,' meaning 'I promise'. Among the many such vows is the one, by which the bridegroom promises to provide welfare and happiness for the bride, and the children, and, the bride, in her turn, promises to be responsible for household management, thus both agreeing to fulfil their respective roles.

Another highly significant and important event in the ceremony is that of the bride's father washing the feet of the bridegroom. It is believed that the bridegroom is Lord Shiva himself, and the bride Parvati, his divine consort. And the respect shown by the gesture is indicative of the fact that the father is gifting his most precious possession, namely the daughter, to the bridegroom. Which is also the reason why the step is called 'Kanyadaan' or gifting away the daughter.

Marriages can also be registered through the arrangement offered of 'Tatkal marriage' where online registration is facilitated. The Special Marriages Act (1954), amended in 2020, facilitates, among other things, inter-caste and inter-faith marriages.

While one has often heard of marriages of convenience, the (erstwhile composite) Andhra Pradesh State, in the years after the introduction of the land ceiling law, also witnessed many divorces, of convenience, meant to circumvent the provisions of that law!

Until very recently, long drawn and elaborate marriage ceremonies were common and sometimes, especially in the southern states, they lasted for over five days. If, as has been said, marriages are truly made in heaven, one wonders why expensive, elaborate and almost extravagant ceremonies, rituals and celebrations are required. For some time, as a national economy measure, a guest control order was put in place, with a view to curbing the tendency to entertain on a large scale. As Shakespeare would have said, however, this became "a custom observed more in the breach than in its observance!" In contrast we have registered marriages today which only take five minutes!

Destination weddings, or weddings, in a foreign country with elaborate prior planning, are now becoming commonplace, especially among the affluent people.

On account of my deep faith in Lord Venkateswara of Tirumala, and, strangely enough, because Usha and I were not quite clear whether we had taken a decision earlier to do so, we performed our daughter Aparna's marriage at Tirumala. The ceremony went off to everyone's satisfaction, with Lord Venkateswara choosing to be very generous with his Darsanams, to parties from both sides.

There is this saying, in Telugu, which says that a person must build a house or perform a wedding in order to get a real taste of what life is like. Having done both, and more than once, I am afraid I remain none the wiser!

Usha and I were married at her father's town Ramachandrapuram in East Godavari district of Andhra Pradesh. My father-in-law, also my mental maternal uncle, also called Dr Gandhi, was a medical practitioner. He was very popular with poor people whom he treated free. He had made extremely elaborate, bordering our extravagant, arrangements for the wedding, which was to spread over five days. As luck would have it, however, it rained cats and dogs for a few days before the event, and Ramachandrapuram became practically incommunicado from all directions. The few relatives and friends, who managed to reach the venue, had to watch the ceremony being performed in a small room from outside, through the bars of windows! Although ours was a consanguineous marriage, not normally encouraged by medical science, my uncle had taken elaborate precautions to study our family histories and reached the conclusion that it was safe to go ahead. That the marriage would take place was known for at least a couple of years in advance. As a result, we keep telling people that ours was a 'love' as well as an 'arranged' marriage! Not quite the same, though, as the 'Gandharva' or 'Rakshasa' marriages referred to in Hindu epics!

.Incidentally, in the southern states, marrying an uncle, or a cross cousin, (father's sister's son or mother's brother's daughter), is almost a compulsorily prescribed alliance, other things being equal. An arrangement not only encouraged, but almost forbidden, in other parts of the country as well as in other faiths and religions.

Mass marriages are arranged to overcome social as well as financial constraints that people face in performing weddings individually. Strangely enough, the custom started in 324 BC when Alexander the Great married Stateira II, in a ceremony in which other couples participated! Only recently, in 2011, a mass event was conducted in Ratnagiri of Maharashtra, in which 3,600 couples belonging to such diverse faiths, religions and communities as Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, Christians and Adivasis participated, most of them children of poor farmers.

A significant recent development, is the verdict, by the Supreme Court, upholding the right for same-sex relationships as a fundamental one. However, the central government, while respecting that verdict, clarified later that the judgment does not have the impact of legalising marriage between same-sex persons.

What with the rapidity with which the practice, of obtaining of divorces on the grounds of incompatibility or otherwise, is spreading, especially very soon after marriage, one is left wondering about the future of the sacred legacy of marriage as an institution. The oaths taken at the time of Christian marriages such as to remain united 'till death do us part', and the determination to weather all storms and stay together through thick and thin, seem to have lost their sanctity.

(The writer is former

Chief Secretary, Government

of Andhra Pradesh) 

(The opinions expressed in this

column are that of the writer. The facts and opinions expressed here do not reflect the views of The Hans India)