Bad Sex Happens. But It Doesn't Have To Happen Again
In the midst of the the me too movement, bad sex is making a tonne of headlines. The phrase has become an umbrella term for everything from a consensual but lacklustre encounter to borderline coercive intercourses.
Here we’re focusing on the former: intimacy between two willing partners that falls short of satisfying because while all great Sex must be consensual and include communication, passion, and pleasure for both parties not all consensual sex is great some is pretty damn awful, whether it’s with one night stand or a long term lover.
It is possible to fix blah sessions though says a sexologist and a wellness coach. There is never a need just to suffer through it. Always know that you can stop and check in at any time during sex.
Can that feel awks? Sure at first. But it’s well worth it to have better sex.
WHEN ... THERES AN UNWANTED TWIST
Take charge
If he goes for something unexpected and not for your style but you want to keep the momentum going say: we can talk about that later, but what if we do this instead? Then guide him your favourite move.
Halt the action
Can’t deal at all? Sexologists suggests I’m not into that so if that’s what you’re looking for it’s not happening with me. It’s a firm answer that clearly states your case.
Give feed back
Ideally the limits talk should happen before hopping into bed, but high of you can still share your deal makers and breakers in the moment or afterwards, says a phd sexologists.
WHEN... ITS JUST TOO TEXT BOOK
Take charge
Prioritise your own climax.. if you know it takes XYZ , for you to ORGASM, start with z and work backwards that will give time to do whatever gets you off. Two third of the women say cowgirl is an orgasmic position for them then you can move on to his finale.
Halt the action
Take a hard turn the minute you get bored. Stopping and changing the context can make sex more exciting. Hey do you want to pretend that we’re somebody else? Try role playing as strangers who’ve just met. It may lead to new erotic scenarios.
Give Feedback
Reading upon sex positions that you’ve never tried before can bring fantasy back into your sex life. Or get a versatile third party such as a vibrating toothbrush to join you in the bedroom. You can rest it on your clitoris during doggie style or press it against your cheek to give your guy a buzzy blow job.
WHEN DISASTER STRIKES
Take charge
For minor accidents which no one is hurt, humour can ease the awkwardness but if it’s major, work together to take the next necessary step.
Halt the action
Clearly tell your partner you need a time out... or that you may require help. Later, if your think you can recover and resume now where were we?
Give feedback
There’s no need to soften what you’re feeling with a sorry. Lay down your current state with that really hurt/ upset me. Then explain what you need from them to feel better.