How to stop suicidal tendency

Madam, I am a college student. I am very studious and have clear goals in my life. Since, last one year I am facing a problem. I often chat with my friends on FB or text on mobile. Some of my friends don’t respond to my messages they either reply late or even ignore. I feel very depressed and conclude that they are not interested to talk to me or they don’t like me. This feeling is bothering me more day by day. Though they check my messages, they don’t respond (this I can know by following the message). Even my boyfriend often does the same. I am unable to concentrate while studying. Please help me to get out of this. - Madhuri, Vijayawada.

It sucks being ignored by the person whose attention means the world to you.

Dear Madhuri, being ignored is never fun, whether you're being ignored by your best friend, your sister, or your boyfriend. Relationships are not easy always. When we are ignored by those who are very close to our heart, we take it personally and feel depressed. Being ignored is the worst pain and is unimaginable. When a person who is special to you lavishes you with attention, it feels like you’re on top of the world.

But when that person ignores you, leaving you wanting and waiting and wondering; it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Though we know that people can’t always get back to us, when someone is deliberately ignoring and not responding, we get panic attacks, especially if we don’t know what we have done to upset them.

A feeling of anger and frustration pops up. It can leave us feeling inadequate, unworthy and unlovable and ultimately that may lead to poor self-image and low self-esteem. It also leads to emotional pain and negative thoughts and behaviors. Being ignored often brings the feelings and emotions like- anger, emptiness, sadness, unworthy, depressed, insignificant, unimportance, invisible, unloved.

Situations vary from time to time. People may be busy or the messages we are sending are no much significant to them to respond immediately. Being ignored by your boyfriend might leave you yelling, arguing, jumping to conclusions, feeling lonely, depressed etc. which are not solutions to such situations. You need to understand that your thoughts are the real reasons for your emotions and these thoughts are the cause of the emotions rather than people ignoring you.

People feel bad when someone ignores them because they gain their self - esteem from the approval of others. When we were young we were taught to please grown - ups in order to be “Nice” children. As we grew up our strategy for seeking approval remained the same and hence, we started to determine our worth based on the acceptance by others.

The only way to break free from this dependency on the judgment of others is to knowledge the reasons behind it. After you do so you will find that in most cases you weren’t ignored because you were bad but rather because of other factors that aren't related to you. Communication, fairness and respect are the keys to having a healthy and positive interaction with others.

Communicate your feelings and expectations rather than blaming or feeling neglected. When you don’t have an idea, instead of accusing, ask for the reason. You might get the answer right away.

Look out for signs that your friends are ignoring you

Everyone has ups and downs in life, including your friends. You must be sure that your friends are deliberately ignoring you before you jump to conclusions that can bring an end friendship. Don't let your mind play tricks on you and look for specific behavioral changes that have affected your relationship with your friends.

Talk to your friends about their behavior

Once you are sure that your friends are ignoring you and you think that you have narrowed down on possible causes for their behavior, it is time to talk to them directly. Tell your friend that you want to have a chat. Be direct and don't be angry when you have this conversation.

Apologise if you are the reason for their annoyance

If your friend is upset due to any of your earlier behavior, do not hesitate to apologise. Do not allow your ego to come in the way. Be warm and empathetic if there has been a misunderstanding, but don’t succumb and say sorry unnecessarily if your friend offers a ridiculous excuse of ignoring you.

Never be desperate or clingy to those who are maliciously ignoring you.

You will open yourself up to being ridiculed and bullied if you become desperate about getting the attention of a friend who is not into you. If all your efforts at patching up your friendship are coming to a dead end then, walk away from the friendship.

Don’t feel low and depressed.

Be strong. Don’t feel lonely and depressed. Pick yourself up and move on. Don’t feel singled out. Many people experience the same at some point of time. Look at their lives and don’t allow your feelings to push you down.

Give them space.

If they are mad at you, they will not want you to be constantly in their face. Also, most people use the silent treatment to punish someone for something they have done. If you show that you are sorry but not devastated by the silent treatment, it will not last for long.

Don't text or call for an entire day. Try to stick to it. If your boyfriend haven’t reached out to you at all during that day, talk to him about what he expects from the relationship. If you expect something that he won't give you, you may want to look elsewhere for a boyfriend.

Don't text or call him about pointless things. Don't call him just because X broke up with Y when your boyfriend doesn't know either of those people. You may think it's important, but he probably doesn't.Difficult emotions are part of the human experience. Be secure in your vulnerability. Real strength is not pretending not to feel; it’s the courage to know that your feelings are legitimate and acceptable.

TIPS:

• Don't make a fuss about it, sometimes it's just paranoia and you're not really ignored.
• Just ask them if they still want to be friends or in a relationship.
• Sometimes the best way to get some ones attention is to stop giving them yours.
• Acknowledge that they might be ignoring you because of something you said.
• Leave them alone and move on. People who purposely ignore you should be ignored as well.
• Find someone who wants you to be around them, and will always be there for you and will talk to you. Be happy, be proud and do what you have to do in the best interest of your relationship/friendship.

By:N Radhika Acharya