I 'm just starting in high school and my thoughts and urges about girls are getting really hard to control. I...
I 'm just starting in high school and my thoughts and urges about girls are getting really hard to control. I find myself getting distracted in class because I'm daydreaming about the girls in my class. I feel ashamed and guilty. What can I do to focus on academics?
Sexual attractions and related thoughts are very common in puberty. At this age, there will be heavy fluctuations in hormones in body. They start raging at this age, take a bit of time to settle down. Many teenagers struggle with feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, confusion, a lack of interest in 'normal' teenage activities, such as improving academic knowledge, participating and competing in sport and culture. According to Robert Rector, 'Compared to teens who are not sexually active, teenage boys and girls who are sexually active are significantly less likely to be happy and more likely to feel depressed and attempt suicide'. First you have to understand that it is not abnormal and many boys and girls experience the same at your age. Hence, it is unnecessary to feel shame or guilty. Don't frustrate yourself over such thoughts. Remember that everyone else thinks about it. What matters is that you can still go on with your daily life without letting something bother you. However, avoid things that stimulate such thoughts. Do not view pornography or read explicit books. Develop strong determination and will power to say no to such thoughts. Pay attention to your thoughts to see whether there are specific objects, settings or people that evoke a sexual response in you, and avoid them as much as possible. Engage your body in sports or physical exercise. Keep your body busy and active so that you don't feel physically frustrated. Involve yourself in creative hobbies like music, dancing. Don't keep too much idle time in your daily schedule. Meditate and stay relaxed.
Mid-twenties is the best age to marry
I am 21-year old guy. My parents are forcing me to marry early. Keeping aside the legal age could you please tell me what the correct age to choose life partner? - Venkat, Vanasthalipuram
In India, legally a boy can get married at the age of 21 years and girl at 18 years. But we can't say that it is an ideal age. It depends upon many individual factors. Unlike in Western countries, in our culture, marriage is an important milestone in a person's life because we give more importance to the family. First a person should be adequately mature to understand the significance of marriage and its related responsibilities. Paul Amato explains that marrying at a "young age is one of the best predictors of divorce." Professor Glenn in his recent study suggested that successful marriages can be established upon the strongest foundation of life experience, maturity, as well as educational and financial security. He said that late age marriages fared very well in survival, but rather poorly in quality. Hence he suggested that '"The greatest likelihood of being in an intact marriage of the highest quality is among those who married at their mid-twenties. In a study conducted by APA, in 2008 it was suggested that though children of adolescent age are mature enough to think logically and process the information adequately, their emotional regulation, long term perspectives are not adequately developed. So, they are short-term goal oriented, emotionally unstable and generally not adequate enough in mature decision-making skills. Mid-twenties are always advisable for choosing a life partner because by then a person becomes financially secure, emotionally stable and responsible enough to maintain the relationships.