How to deal with insecure feelings?

Insecure people show characteristics like self - doubt, indecisiveness and over obsession. Insecurity can be overcome over a period of time. Patience and a willingness to believe every person is in fact, of innate value. How do I deal with insecurities? I am insecure about everything. What should I do about it? - Sanjana, Warangal. Insecurity is characterised by the loss of emotional stability or self-confidence. Sufferers perceive themselves to be unloved, inadequate or lacking self-worth. Being insecure about certain things is perfectly normal as long as you know how to deal with it. The problems start when your insecurities start affecting your life. A constant fear of being discovered as inadequate to meet the responsibilities at home, school or job will haunt people continuously. Such feelings often result from childhood fears of rejection, disapproval or un-acceptance. Children learn what they live in. Usually insecure people might have brought up in a chaotic or volatile environment experience a major loss or catastrophe in their lives which in the later life make them insecure about the things or relationships. Childhood abusive experiences (can be emotional, physical, sexual or neglect) make wounds that have a long lasting scars, if the emotional turmoil of those wounds are not healed properly at that period. These individuals may have poorly developed self - concept, with low self- esteem, lack of belief in their personal goodness, skills or abilities. They always feel that 'no one likes me', all are nice to me because they want some thing from me. Otherwise they don't care about me'. Such thinking affects their perception, thinking and behaviour with others. They have difficulties in establishing healthy and long � term relationships. They keep others away from them with their high defensiveness which in turn adds fuel to fire of their insecurity. Often insecure people show characteristics like self - doubt, indecisiveness, obsessive about certain things and people, jealousy, over authority or over competitiveness. Usually men are more insecure about their body, hair, finances or career etc. and women are more insecure about their age, beauty, height, intellectuality etc. Insecurity can lead to psychological problems or over-compensatory behaviour such as bullying or aggression. It may also cause shyness, withdrawal or paranoia. Many people suffer a period of insecurity during puberty, which gives rise to a lot of the stereotypical behaviours of adolescents.

It can often be accompanied by a controlling personality type or avoidance, as psychological defence mechanisms.A Insecurity can be overcome. It takes time and patience and a willingness to believe each person (and specifically oneself) is in fact of innate value. Understanding that I am insecure itself is a first step in overcoming the problem. As roots of this problem will be often in the childhood experiences, you must identify those reasons for the insecurity and heal those wounds. Be willing to put yourself in vulnerable positions in life where you might get hurt. Do not avoid or be defensive. Trust others, risk vulnerability and the possibility of being hurt. Take a rational approach to each problem and keep away your debilitating fears or beliefs. Practice assertive behaviour to enhance your self - worth and image. You need to develop courage to initiate small steps in learning to experience success and over-coming lack of belief in self-competency. Break the outer shell of self � doubt and reach out to others by letting go past hurts (real or imagined) and move on in life. Visualise winning and develop positive attitude in life so that you can put your energies in growth direction. Reward and appreciate yourself for strengths, attributes, skills and competencies. Few steps to handle your insecurities: Ask you self: What behaviour traits signal my insecurity? What happened in my past to make me insecure? What are some of my beliefs that account for my insecurity? What are some negative consequences I've experienced due to my insecurity? What behaviour traits do I need to develop in order to overcome my insecurity? After identifying your insecurity, how can you handle it? Answer the following questions What substitute behaviour traits could I develop that would indicate security in myself? What are some positive consequences of exhibiting such secure behaviour traits in my life? What are some rational beliefs I must develop in order to exhibit secure behaviour in my life? How will my life change if I exhibit secure behaviour? What is my action plan to develop security in my life? What obstacles stand in the way of my executing this action plan? How can I overcome the obstacles to my development of self-confidence and security? Then implement the plan and keep a log as you go through each step of handling you insecurity. If needed, do not hesitate to take help of a psychologist. Effective CBT techniques help you to overcome such problems and make your life more meaningful and happier.