I'm frustrated due to poor scores

I study Intermediate in a corporate college and I hail from a rural area. Though I am more intelligent an average student, I am unable to perform well in exams. My poor score in exams have placed me in lower sections. This makes me feel frustrated and depressed. Please suggest me some tips to boost my confidence levels.

-Priya, Hyderabad. Nowadays corporate colleges have become factories which produce rote machines who bring name and fame to them with their ranks. The low scoring students are sent to the lower sections to ensure their high position in the education market. These practices often have detrimental effects on self esteem of the student and on their academic performance. The above discrimination often has a huge impact on the student's self confidence and it affects overall performance of the student. It leads to develop inferiority feelings in students. Their self image receives a big blow which negatively affects the overall adjustment. So, changing of such college may help you to deal with the situation. According to Bandura, a renowned psychologist, positive self-confidence is considered one of the most influential motivators and regulators of behavior in people's everyday lives. It is an important component for better academic performance.

To enhance your self confidence:

• Value your unique, individual strengths, needs and skills. Though you are from rural area, you can always compete with urban children. Do not compare yourself with others. Many people from rural areas have performed very well and have achieved good positions in society.
• Surround yourself with friends who appreciate, value and accept you.
• Keep your expectations realistic and start working on that. Make a schedule for your studies. Divide subjects into small and achievable parts and celebrate and feel a sense of accomplishment after completion of each part.
• Ignore criticism. Focus and feel good about the positive side of yours. Have a good self image.
• Don't be afraid of mistakes. Learn from your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes but it's how those mistakes are handled that makes the difference. We need to see them as learning opportunities. Powerful learning can often be the result of a mistake made.A Do not feel hesitated to consult a psychologist, if you fail in achieving above. Good luck.

Guilt of my girlfriend's break-up kills meA

I was in a relationship for three years. But the girls' parents got her engaged to someone else. She didn't inform her parents about us because she believed that they would never agree. So she started insisting that I marry her and keep her in the house. My parents took the initiative to persuade her parents, but they threatened my family and performed the marriage. She continued calling me told she would leave her husband and come to me. I tried to convince her to adjust with the present situation and accept the reality. One night, during her honeymoon, at two in the night, her husband called me to ask if I were ready to marry her if he left the girl. I said yes, and she came back to her mother's place. Now her parents are blaming me for her break up with her husband. My parents are not ready to accept our marriage. I feel guilty for her break-up. I am depressed. What do I do?

-Vijay, warangal. It is unfortunate that your love story took such turns and twists. However, there is no reason for you to feel guilty as you did not commit any serious mistake. It is that girl who appears to be impulsive and responsible for the outcome of her marriage. Since the beginning she did not make any serious effort to resolve the conflict with her parents. All the while she has been attempting to find shortcuts to get married to you and didn't try to discuss and convince her parents. She appears to be short sighted, impulsive, inadvertent and unmindful of the consequences and who avoids the conflict rather than resolving them. You are erroneously concluding that you are the main person for her marital disharmony and the break-up which is round the corner. It was not you who led to this present situation. All the while you have been giving her right advice and tried to put her in correct path. But she, with her irrational thoughts and hasty decisions, forced you to take certain decisions. Impulsive people don't give much thought to how the entire scenario will play out. They can't see long term consequences and plan accordingly. They can only see, what they are doing is the right thing for them right now. Everything is about the moment with impulsive people. There is no past and there is no future, there is only now. That is the only time that they think about, when making rash decisions. It can work for them at times, but often it causes them a great deal of trouble and it can ruin their life in some situations. Once you realise this issue, your feelings of guilt would reduce substantially. You will be guided by your rational thinking. At present, I would advise to lie low for some time rather than attempt to resolve this issue.