True failure is not trying hard

During the last few weeks, in quick succession, I came across several instances which disturbed me. All of them had something in common: despair � a feeling of lost hope!

Take for example, the case of a twenty plus year old lady who took poisonous medicine to kill self. Reason? Her brother did not give her the TV remote to watch a channel that she was fond of.A In another incident, a seventeen year old boy started walking from his home and went off for a couple days, causing worry and deep concern to his family members. Reason? He did not get as many marks as he expected in his junior college exam.

There are many more such situations that we come across. The common theme in each of such situations is simple � not getting what one expects and resulting in despair! How to deal with it? To find the answer, we first need to understand certain basics. What is our basic instinct and its implication?

It is true that every normal human being's basic instinct is to be successful and no one chooses to be a loser. We all are groomed, tutored and educated to be successful. The entire upbringing is biased towards success. Consequently, individual's instinct is to succeed and so is the societal pressure to succeed!

Such mindset has its own implications. It surely ignites a strong desire to win. It provides the necessary fire to move forward. However, it also weakens the capacity to cope with failures, though they are bound to be a part of our journey. Such is the paradox that our excess desire to win reduces our ability to deal with failures.

What happens A when we fail? Despite our desire to succeed all the time, we all at sometime or the other would have faced failure. It is important to recall some of those situations and understand what happened within us and around us. The immediate impact of our failure will be seen on the faces of people around us. There is bound be an expression of disappointment that we did not meet their expectations. That is precisely what one fears to face. You never want to disappointment people who love you and who care for you. That leads to a sense of despair within you. They lost hope on you and therefore you lose hope on yourself.

Though such emotions are temporary and will get weakened with time, they impact us at that given moment and leading us sometimes to take extreme reactions.

Five tips to deal with A despair From the above analysis, it is very clear (though difficult) that to deal with despair, we need to deal with that very moment. Here are the five tips to tackle such moments.

1. Anticipate the reactions: Firstly, do not expect the unexpected. That is, do not expect people around you to be looking happy when you are faced with failure. Expect them to be disappointed. Tell yourself that their disappointment is temporary and their love for you is permanent. 2. Listen to your self-talk: If not regulated, you will end up overly criticising yourself and regretting what should have been done, rather than thinking about what needs to be done. Direct yourself talk towards the immediate future and how to do things differently than before. 3. Curb your jealousy: While you might experience failure, you may be surrounded by people who are successful. The big trap is to feel jealous about their success which will divert your attention on them than your next course of action. Feeding your comparisons is a sure way to make you feel inferior. 4. Reinforce your self-worth: While you might have failed in some aspects, you must be good at something at some point in time. Recall such positives and tell yourself what you are worthy of. It will surely lift your spirits and self belief. 5. Tell yourself � "this too shall pass": At the moment of failure, it will make you feel as if future is bleak. But, tell yourself that one failure is not the end of life. Success will have many definitions and many chances. Remember, true failure is not trying!