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The corporate chewing gum

The corporate chewing gum
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The Corporate Chewing Gum. After three attempts of working at a corporate, (all of which ended in a not-so-good manner) I have come to terms with the...

After three attempts of working at a corporate, (all of which ended in a not-so-good manner) I have come to terms with the fact that I can never work in a corporate firm.
My latest experience was with a company in MindSpace in Madhapur at Hyderabad. Now, no offense to the company or what they do, the work isn’t something that one aspires to do. The people were friendly and yes, I do miss my friends from that place, but then, the work was which led to my exit from the organisation.
The problem of being in a corporate is that the work is very boring. Trust me, it is. It is like a chewing gum. The first two months at every place are brilliant. This is mostly because you are being ‘trained’ for the work. What is the work? I’ll come to that.
So, you do nothing but sit in an air-conditioned room, listening to a person who tells you how to go about doing your work. Then, he gives you training on how to be, act and behave like an American. Americans, if you read my blog, you should know that in the training, they tell us that each and every one of you are sweet, obese and cranky. And to be successful at the job, we too have to be an American. No, don’t worry, there are enough of us there, we won’t apply for citizenship. By being American, we mean, trying to fake an American accent and terribly failing at it owing to our Indian accent and mindset.
Also, the corporates give you loads and loads of comforts. Making you lazy enough to not adjust anywhere. The comforts include five-day week, pick up and drop, fake accents, a statement proclaiming that we’re the cool Indians who are above the regular ones, free food, loads of it and of course, the ‘rich culture of America’. It gets better when you get your salary, for enjoying all these benefits and doing nothing.
You wonder why are they paying you so much for doing nothing. Then, the work starts!
This is where it all starts falling apart. “Hello, I’m Richard (Yes that’s my American name), how may I assist you?” When you say this on the first day, you feel every word of it, apart from the pseudo name. This sentence is used at least 40 times a day by a part timer. Initially, the customers’ queries are new, you love talking to them. Seven days into the job. “Hello, I’m Richard. (You start believing you are Richard) How may I help you? (In your head you are saying damn you, why can’t you solve your own problems)”.
“My PC isn’t working.” Me: No problem, I’ll be happy to assist you. (Hell yeah! I’m not at all happy about this stuff.)
After 15 minutes of explaining what Windows is, the customer says “Oh, sorry, it was a mistake from my end. The power was off. It’s working now.”
Sometimes, you feel like you are talking to an ape who knows English and has a lot of technology with him. I can keep going with this for hours together. I believe you have an understanding of what I mean.
So, two months into the job, you are frustrated, the pick up feels like a call from hell, the free food feels like peanuts when compared to what you do, and you feel like a jackass in front of the system trying to be someone who you aren’t. This is where corporate feels like a chewing gum you have been chewing for 17 hours. (Yes I’ve tried that).
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