They interpret what you say- as well as your tone, volume and body language - very differently. Here are my favourite strategies for encouraging a child to listen and open up.

Girls and boys have different methods to be interpreted- so parents lets all get prepared!
Girls and boys have different methods to be interpreted- so parents lets all get prepared!

WHAT WE KNOW: The brains of boys and girls develop in distinctive ways. The latest techniques in neuroscience, such as brain mapping have helped us get closer to understanding this complex organ. With Functional Magnetic Resonance Imagery, for example, researchers have watched how various parts of the brain light up when girls and boys speak, do puzzles or encounter distractions.

At the same time, we’ve also learned a great deal about neural plasticity; a child’s experiences affect every aspect of brain functioning. While inborn differences in brain anatomy may explain why boys get squirmy in class and girls tenderly rock their dolls to sleep, every child is unique and evolving.

Stereotypes are dangerous, of course. As adults, we have a responsibility to encourage technical aptitude and physical daring in girls and to appreciate sensitivity and verbal expressiveness in boys. But to do that, as parents we need to be aware of how gender can affect communication, while also tuning in to a child’s individual traits and temperament.

Having worked with children and families for decades, I want to share my most successful techniques for connecting with sons and daughters.

-> boys are comparatively slower than girls when it comes to language skills  

Most of their speech become comprehensive by 41/2 years of age.

So avoid constructive criticism using abstract words such as inappropriate, disruptive, or success. They can sound like the wah-wuh-wuh of the adults in peanuts cartoons to your son.

Comparatively 

Girls develop language skills earlier than boys 

Nearly all of girls speech is comprehensible by the  age of  3. The corpus callousm, the nerve tissue connecting the two hemispheres of the brain, is thicker in girls brains, which facilitates communication.

But don’t mistake your daughters impressive verbal sophistication for emotional maturity or interpret her frequent meltdowns as regression or attempts to manipulate you. It’s strategically smarter to give her the last word in a heated discussion to prevent escalation and let her save face. You can always revisit the issue later if necessary.

Let’s get cleared 

A boy’s brain secretes less serotonin than a girl’s. This makes boys more fidgety and impulsive so think of your conversations as shooting hoops. You say a little something, then another little something, then another little something, and sometimes it goes through and you get a basket.

A girl’s brain secretes more serotonin.

This makes it easier for girls to and control their expression of emotions easily.

But realise that the arguments about rules, food or messy room won’t be resolved during a single, , logical discussion.

How to convey ur feelings 

A boys brain secretes less oxytocin ( the love hormone) than a girl’s. This makes boys less likely to  perceive signs distress in others. 

So your son often won’t hear subtle differences in your tone, and the sarcastic hinting may be lost on him. Don’t let that make you feel insulted or ignored if he doesn’t notice that you’re upset.

A girls brain secretes more oxytocin than a boy’s. This helps girls responds quickly to signs of pain or distress in others.

So know that your daughter is acutely sensitive to tone that reveals scorn, mockery or indignation.  To help diffuse the emotional aspect of what you’re saying and improve your tone, shift your focus first. Try singing along to her music for a few minutes before asking her to shift focus and listen to you. 

-> Ask for help 

To comfortably hear a speaker, boys need the persons voice to be six to eight decibels louder than girls do. 

They also have a lighter tolerance for background noise. So remember. If you have to ask your son to do something twice, he speak louder. Use short sentences and speak fairly loudly but not at a high pitch. 

Girls can discern voices at lower decibels and also can discriminate nuances of tone better than boys. They are also more easily annoyed or distracted by background noise. 

So be straight with your daughter- unlike little boys, girls notice stammers and silences. In other words they can be fairly perceptive. Not only will she hear your words, she can easily detect a sales pitch or half lie.

-> Get More Details 

Boys don’t seek out eye contact as often as girls 

They tend to be more verbally communicative when they’re sitting beside someone.

So try talking in the car, while ambling down the street, or in the dim light of his room before bed. He will be more comfortable talking side by side, but you can help focus his attention by sitting face to face for important request or reprimands.

Girls seek out and react positively to eye contact and face to face verbal communication.

If you need clarification about an upsetting event, stick to open minded, in lieu of yes or no or leading questions.

Discuss Emotions 

Boys experience more separation anxiety and cry more easily before age 3 than girls. As they become older, they react to stress with excitement.

So discuss feelings indirectly, for example, read a story and talk about the characters.

Girls understandings of social cues helps them adjust to new environments 

Their nervous system makes them react to stress by withdrawing. If she comes home with a tale of injustice or anger, be a compassionate parent and listen without expressing pity or panic. 


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