This is how you can feel less lonely

Do you like your own company? If not, how can you expect others to like your company?

A gentleman got sick, and he went to visit a doctor. The doctor checked him thoroughly. Found nothing wrong. The doctor said, “All is good. You simply have to laugh more. Do one thing. There is a circus happening in the town. I have heard about their popular clown act. I have a show ticket. Go and enjoy the show.” The gentleman said, “Sir, I am that clown.”

Loneliness is not exclusive to some people; even those with riches, good family connections, and a partner can still feel lonely. Despite having a very happy family, people may still feel lonely and get depressed because they have not learned to understand their own mind and emotions.

Loneliness has taken the shape of an epidemic, globally. Even in countries where people seem to have everything, like the United States, we find one in three people feeling lonely.

To come out of loneliness, we make friends with people who share something in common with us. However, it is rare to find friends in knowledge who uplift each other. Besides, any company looks very good from a distance, but when you get closer, it pushes all your buttons and brings about many emotions in you. People run after parties and celebrations to fill the void. Know that someone’s company cannot fill our loneliness. Even if it does, it is very short-lived. Just turn back and see all those people you met, played with, the many happy and unhappy events that occurred even ten years ago; they are not here now. They are all gone.

For the one who does not run after them, parties and celebrations follow him wherever he or she goes. If you are in the company of the Self, parties surround you. That’s the secret.

Those who are in company all the time look for the comforts of solitude, and those who are in solitude feel lonely and want to be in company. Everyone is looking for a perfect balance. That perfect balance is like a razor’s edge and can only be found in the Self. If you take out some time, say one week in a year, to be with yourself and observe your own thoughts and emotions, then you will find you are the source of joy, the source of bliss.

It is good to keep a little distance from those we are close to, from time to time. Sit for a few minutes with yourself and meditate every day. This practice will help you not feel lonely even when you are alone.

There are times when we feel completely disconnected from everyone around. When that happens, we need not fight or struggle to feel connected. Rest is a good remedy for this. It is like when we sleep, we remain totally disconnected from even our closest people. We cannot take anybody else along in our sleep state. At that moment, see the whole creation as a dream, with a smile. The world is like soap bubbles in water - temporary in nature.

You cannot force enthusiasm and confidence to come back to you. When you feel useless, use that time to be prayerful, and you will see that you will gain back your confidence and enthusiasm. Whether it is extreme joy or happiness or terrible misery, there is a part in every human being that remains untouched by that. Similarly, you can’t go on being miserable all your life. Our wish should be that whomever we meet be happy and radiate happiness.

Besides meditation, another way to get over the feeling of loneliness is to do some service (seva) and be useful to people around us. The selfless service we do in society brings a revolution inside us.

If we are useful to people all our lives, there will be hundreds of thousands and millions of people to take care of us when we need them. Take the lives of Mother Teresa and Acharya Vinoba Bhave, for example. When they were sick in bed for a long time at the end of their lives, was there nobody to give them company? Hundreds were waiting to take care of them.

(The author is a global humanitarian leader and spiritual master who founded The Art of Living in1981. As Gurudev turns 70 and The Art of Living steps into the 45th year of making life a celebration on this planet, month long celebrations are underway at The Art of Living International centre with eminent personalities from the sphere of politics, entertainment, arts, academia and faith arriving at the centre for thoughtful conversations, cultural showcases and launch of several service initiatives.)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

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