Pornography is on Rise learn how it affects Marriage

With the recent release of the movie, 50 Shade of Grey, we as a culture have again revisited important issues about sexual matters that often don't get talked about or clarified to the extent that we learn lessons that will actually improve our relationships. So, I am going to use this opportunity to talk about how pornography affects the emotional intimacy in romantic relationships. I'll start with a question someone asked me recently.

Today we're talking about a topic that isn't as fun as our usual creative date ideas and romance tips. And I'll freely admit, we're a little nervous to venture into these unfamiliar waters. However, as a site dedicated to strengthening marriages, we feel strongly that it's a topic that needs to be more openly and candidly discussed and studied.That's why today we're tackling the (sometimes uncomfortable and awkward) topic of…

PORNOGRAPHY AND HOW IT AFFECTS MARRIAGE

Pornography is on the rise! Did you know that in 2013 porn sites received 450 million unique monthly visitors? That's more than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined! In fact, 30% of all data transferred across the internet is porn-related!

Wanna hear some more staggering statistics? Every second 28,258 people are watching pornography on the internet, and every second $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet

WE'VE HEARD YOUR QUESTIONS

It's no wonder then that we seem to be hearing a lot more about pornography. Recently, we've had been receiving more and more reader questions wanting to know…

It is true that ALL men look at porn?

Is it unrealistic to not want porn in your marriage?

Do porn-free marriages really exist?

Why does it matter if my husband looks at porn anyway?

Is porn a good way to spice up your sex life?

How do I deal with my spouse's porn addiction?

Our post today is in response to all these questions. Our intent is not to get on a soapbox or start a debate, but to really look at the effects pornography has on relationships and, specifically, marriage. We all have our own personal moral and religious views on the subject, but for the purpose of this article, we're going to be mainly focusing on what scientific research, studies, and surveys have discovered about the link between pornography and marriage.

WHY ALL THE CONFUSION?

So, why is there so much confusion about pornography? If you're ever on social media you've probably noticed that there is a lot of debate and contradicting views when it comes to the topic of pornography. In just the couple of months that we've been researching and preparing this post, we've been amazed at the different, opposing information that is being shared online.

The truth is, what society is telling us about pornography is totally different from what research is telling us. No wonder there is so much confusion!

WHAT SOCIETY SAYS ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY AND MARRIAGE

Here are just a few examples of what social media, magazines and newspapers have to say about porn…

ALL men look at porn.

Men can't help themselves, it's how they were built.

Looking at porn is normal and okay.

If he says he's not looking at porn, he's lying.

You should never ban porn from your relationship.

Women's feelings don't matter.

At least he's not cheating on you.

If you don't sext your man, he will look at pornography.

He's watching pornography anyway, so you should join him.

You should join him so he doesn't feel guilty for doing something wrong.

Porn is harmless.

However, as we looked at the real research and studies done on pornography, we found very different information!

WHAT SCIENCE SAYS ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY AND MARRIAGE

The truth is…

Porn is NOT harmless! Porn is destroying marriages.

10 WAYS PORN PUTS YOUR MARRIAGE IN DANGER

I don't think anyone wants to put their marriage in jeopardy. In fact, we've heard from several readers that the only reason they "allow" porn in their marriage is to try to save or enhance it. They don't want to push their husband away by putting "unrealistic expectations" on him or they want to "keep things exciting" so he doesn't get bored. But the truth is, pornography is not saving or strengthening marriages, it's destroying and weakening them!

Professors Jennings Bryant and Dolf Zillman have been researching the effects of pornography for more than 30 years and have concluded that when it comes to porn use "no rigorous research demonstrations of desirable effects can be reported."

Or in other words, in all the legitimate research they've studied over the years, they have found NO benefits to pornography- only damage.

PORNOGRAPHY RUINS RELATIONSHIPS

1. PORN BREAKS TRUST IN YOUR MARRIAGE

According to numerous studies, prolonged exposure to pornography leads to a diminished trust between intimate couples.

It really is no surprise. After all, pornography and secrecy go hand in hand. Most people who view pornography go to great lengths to keep it hidden. It's most often watched late at night when their spouse is asleep or when they are home alone. Users are careful to lock doors, erase their internet history, and keep files and videos hidden with passwords.

Spouses are shocked and feel betrayed when they find out because they were so easily kept in the dark. They wonder what else is going on that they don't know about. Even users who were upfront with their spouse about watching pornography admit that they hide how much and when from them. Deception is a common theme of pornography. In contrast, transparency is a common theme of strong marriages.

2. PORN HINDERS EMOTIONAL INTIMACY

Pornography leads to objectification rather than a meaningful interaction with another person.

There's a big difference between having sex and making love. Sex is about pleasure. Making love is about connection. Sex is about the body. Making love is about the person. Because a bonding hormone is released during sexual intimacy, it can be a wonderful and powerful way to feel closer to and connect with your spouse. However, if that hormone is released when your spouse is not present, that aspect of marital intimacy is lost.

3. PORN DESTROYS SELF-ESTEEM

When men and women were exposed to porn, they were less likely to be pleased with their partner's physical appearance, affection, and sexual performance

Not only does porn affect how users view others but it also affects how they view themselves. Porn users may find that not only do they see their partners in a less than "satisfying" way, but they start to think that they themselves are less attractive as well

Men who viewed a lot of porn were likely to say that they became more critical of their partner's appearance and lost interest in sex with their partner as a result. Interestingly enough, twice as many women reported that their porn-watching spouses became more critical and that this criticism made the women less interested in sex.

Researches have found that porn consumers eventually compare their spouse or partner and themselves to images of porn models. Is it any wonder then that it destroys self-esteem? How can anyone live up to to the unrealistic expectations of porn's perfectly airbrushed, surgically enhanced, and carefully photoshopped bodies? Some doctors even suspect that increased porn usage is the cause of the rise in women seeking plastic surgery to change their bodies!

4. PORN CAUSES SELFISHNESS

Pornography promotes selfishness. Seldom did I think of bringing sexual pleasure to my wife. I thought only about getting, not giving.

Pornography, at its core, is all about selfishness and immediate gratification. The user focuses solely on getting and taking when he wants. In contrast, true marital intimacy is a giving of oneself. A relationship where one spouse is only interested in taking usually does not last very long. People who use porn regularly often have a hard time being gentle during lovemaking. Sex tends to be impersonal, rushed, and "forced." There's no foreplay. There's no waiting to arouse someone. It's just taking what you want.

Here's a little fact you probably don't know – the least popular day for Americans to view porn is Thanksgiving Day.

Interesting, considering that gratitude and selfishness are opposites.

5. PORN DEMEANS WOMEN

Results showed that the more porn a man was exposed to, the more likely he was to prefer that women be submissive and subordinate to men.14

Pornography also changes the way men view women. Research has proven that just two sessions of one-hour exposures of R-rated sexual entertainment change men's attitudes toward women. They begin to objectify women and no longer see them as individually unique or valuable because of the demeaning manner in which women and sex are portrayed.

And that's not even mentioning the porn that portrays women being dominated, abused, and enjoying it.