The making of a modern dad

32-year-old Ajay Singh, director of a company, says, “It’s easy to talk about it now as my daughter Anisha has turned three. But when my wife Manisha was pregnant with her, I was anxious and felt like it was a countdown.”

Ajay also remembers being confused. “I did not know if I wanted to be a father. I had never taken care of a small child. And I didn’t know if I was capable of taking care of a baby’s needs and expenses with the rising cost of living.” Such expressions and feelings are normal, say experts.

“Along with happiness and excitement, most first-time fathers also experience fear and anxiety. It’s wrong to think that only would-be mothers end up facing these challenges,” says Dr Pramod, senior consultant and child specialist.

“This is because there is going to be a complete change of lifestyle. The man has to take up more responsibility not just for himself .There will be a child completely dependent on him for years,” he added.

“The magical moment was when Anisha was born,” said Ajay who until then was confused and anxious. “I forgot my apprehensions .There were so many family members advising me to be careful of the baby’s neck and to be careful while holding her.”

Though it’s a little known fact, fathers also undergo hormonal changes during and soon after the wives’ delivery. Studies reveal that levels of testosterone actually drop significantly after the birth of the child.

“If manhood includes fatherhood, which it does for many men testosterone is hardly the ultimate measure of masculinity,” says an article in psychology today.

Vishnu Kumar, a software engineer, says, “In our case it was my wife who was hesitant handling our son. I taught her how to bathe him, feed and change diapers.”

“There are several lessons for would-be fathers. Pregnancy needs to be a shared experience. Enrolling for parental classes can help sensitise a would-be father. These classes help him know what to expect and relate and to participate better,” says DR Manglurkar.

Books like ‘What to Expect When You Are Expecting’ by Murkoff and Mazel or ‘Baby and Child Care’ by Dr Benjamin do help the new dad.

“Breastfeeding is necessary and the husband’s support during this process is a must,” says Dr Kusma from Niloufer Hospital.

“Understand the importance of breastfeeding for your child and why the mother needs to have uninterrupted opportunities to breastfeed. Give company to your wife during breastfeed and engage her in a conversation,” advises Dr Bhasker of Yashoda Hospitals.

“New dads need to acquire a skill to change, wash, manage, feed and put the baby to sleep and so on. Most fathers are apprehensive about holding their baby initially. The baby is not a fragile. Get over the feeling by holding the baby often,” says Dr Pushpalathta, a renowned gynecologist.

Don’t live in paranoia. Get involved in every aspect of your child’s growth and progress, along with your wife and enjoy every minute of fatherhood. Here’s wishing you a Happy Father’s Day.