Why is it normal to be angry on Christmas?

A lot of women don’t enjoy Christmas because they’re so busy making it fabulous for everyone else

- Recheck your values: do you want an Instagram Christmas or a happy family one? “You cannot have both,” says O’Malley, adding: “Look at Christmas and decide what you want – is it fun and joy or perfection? Don’t choose perfect.”
- Don’t try too hard: “Trying too hard sucks the joy out of things.”
- If something goes wrong don’t let it ruin your day: “Don’t let a few burned vegetables ruin your Christmas!”
- If you find yourself getting angry or stressed go somewhere quiet for a few minutes: “Get out of the mayhem,” she advises. Go somewhere quiet and think about what you want from Christmas.
- Be realistic in your expectations as to who does what. “Don’t ask your partner or kids to do something they’ve never done before,” she advises. Distribute Christmas chores according to ability.
- And remember: there will always be someone who won’t pull their weight!

While Christmas is a season of festivities, good cheer, great food and amazing decorations and gifts, and men, women and children revel in it; it is usually the women who are at the helm of supervision when it comes to planning and ensuring the festive spirit arrives at home in time. On the day of Christmas, the stress doubles up as she is expected to keep everything going, cook, manage guests, etc., and look good and happy too.

Áilín Quinlan, a writer with The Irish Times gives a glimpse into the tendency through the eyes of the author and psychotherapist Stella O’ Malley.

“A lot of women don’t enjoy Christmas because they’re so busy making it fabulous for everyone else,” says Stella, who is the author of Bully Proof Kids, who refers to the festive season as “the mental load” on women. 

“I see it in my friends and relations. It’s very gender-driven; it’s about women believing that the fun in Christmas is in their hands,” she says, adding that sometimes the responsibility can become too much.

“When a woman works too hard she can become stressed and turn into a bit of a cross-patch. Women can get very stressed over Christmas – to the extent of experiencing murderous rage. That’s because when you kill yourself with effort you lose all sense of perspective, along with all the fun, joy and happiness. It’s a problem.”

Pressure on mothers also comes from Instagram and Disney, she believes. “There are so many elements to getting it right – from bringing the kids to see Santa to decorating the tree and making the dinner – and it’s a sham created by people who want to make money out of it.”

The idyllic depiction of family Christmases on social media and in movies, she believes, feeds on women’s sense of identity which is so often wrapped up in the home:

“There’s a sense that it reflects on the mother’s identity,” she says, adding that all the responsibility for Christmas preparations can make for a heavy mental load. “The father will do what he’s told but the mother’s the project manager and chief bottle-washer combined,” says O’Malley.