Narcissistic personality disorder

One couple came in with a referral from an advocate. They had gone to the advocate to file for divorce, as they could not adjust and adapt to each other. They were blessed with two cute kids, aged around 8 and 6 years. The couple looked made for each other, and both were qualified. She remained at home to care for the kids, and he worked in an MNC company.

They had a lot of fights, both verbal and sometimes physical. Still, the wife always wanted to patch up, as she thought two kids should not be deprived of a family and a father. But it came to a point where they could not bear it anymore. They were living separately in different places, and the father used to come to see the kids every Sunday.

I interacted with both the couple, and independently, they sounded good in their perspective, beliefs, and values. But when they were living together, it was a big challenge. The wife said he had no bad habits, but his routine was too long and meticulous. They could not find time to spend with him any day, and on Sundays, he had a great program of meeting his parents, entertaining his sister and her kids (as she was staying at his parents’ home), and meditating for two hours every day. He followed one guru and went there every Sunday, spending the rest of his time there. She asked what she could do when he was too busy. He had a great sense of being right and needed much attention. He was reticent at home, and no one should make any noise while meditating in his room. He always boasted to her, others, and his relatives about his success and how much adoration he got from his boss, colleagues, and relatives. When he was at home, she must not do anything other than his things and serve him. She asked how this was possible when she had two young kids around. She loved to care for him, but this was more than being a slave, and he still found faults with her attention and work. So, she decided to live separately to have some life and peace of mind.

It is a great challenge to make each other understand their issues. We followed the Adlerian method of therapy coupled with psychoanalysis. We made them understand and asked them to take personality assessments, and he was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder while the lady had obsessions. Then, after making him realise that it was not her problem but his issues, we had a couple of sessions and made him interact with many married and successful males. With follow-up therapies, he agreed to have a comfortable schedule with his wife and kids and started living together after a separation of 2 years.

We may find this kind of people, males or females. Life with these people becomes miserable, and the family suffers a lot. One has to find out how to handle this situation. When a person has this narcissistic personality disorder, they do not know they have this issue. The person’s suffering is not their problem, but they think it is their spouse’s wrong way of thinking. Let us try to understand what are the behaviours of this narcissistic personality.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that affects how you view yourself and relate to others. Having NPD means you have an excessive need to impress others or feel important. That need can be strong enough to drive harmful behaviours, negatively affecting you and those around you.

Characters and symptoms of NPD

• Overestimating their capabilities or holding themselves to unreasonably high standards.

• Bragging or exaggerating their achievements.

• Preoccupation with knowing what others think of them.

• Fishing for compliments.

• Preoccupation with knowing what others think of them.

• Fishing for compliments.

• Willingness to exploit others.

• Consciously or unconsciously using others.

• Forming friendships or relationships with people who boost their self-esteem or status.

• Deliberately taking advantage of others for selfish reasons.

• Willingness to exploit others.

• Consciously or unconsciously using others.

• Forming friendships or relationships with people who boost their self-esteem or status.

• Deliberately taking advantage of others for selfish reasons.

• Feeling envious of others, especially when others are successful.

• Expecting envy from others.

• Belittling or diminishing the achievements of other

• Patronising behaviour.

• Behaving in a way that’s snobby or disdainful.

Suppose any of you relate the above qualities. Try to contact a psychologist for help; otherwise, life will be too harsh. In many cases, gaslighting happens with these personalities to others.