The flipside of lockdown: Helicopter Parenting

Online classes for whatever they are worth are being welcomed by parents as a necessary deviation from aimless addiction to mobile phone, OTT, and gaming.

Every time she has a class, my daughter ensures we are nowhere near the room, not even her sister. I am not terribly bothered, as I prefer it this way. I have often felt even guilty of not looking enough into what she studies on a daily basis, which is a discussion for another day.

Today we will be talking about Helicopter Parenting. For the uninitiated; it is a term used for parents who hover incessantly over their children, like a helicopter, would do…Some trivia - The metaphor appeared as early as 1969 in the bestselling book Between Parent & Teenager by Dr Haim Ginott, which mentions a teen who complains: "Mother hovers over me like a helicopter (Wikipedia)

As if the kids of the new millennium haven't had enough to deal with parents obsessing over every small detail of their lives, from how long they can play, study, learn piano, take badminton classes, sit, stand, and so on; the lockdown brought it down forcefully enough. With the Coronavirus also hovering like a helicopter, the parents have become even more watchful, maybe rightly so, but how difficult is it to cross the thin line between care and obsession. Well, let me tell you…not too difficult.

When I hear teachers grumble about how mothers and many a time even the fathers hover around their kids during the online classes; I would call that a red flag.

Well, how can we not care right...? After all, the world is not as safe as how it used to be when we were kids, in the 80s and even 90s. And the competition; it's so insane that unless we guide our kids at every step…hold their hand and lead them the right path…literally, they will be left behind…Right?

Well…Wrong! Like every child psychologist has been crying hoarse; too much meddling and interference and care amounting to overprotection will lead to a child not really ready to face what the world offers. No parent can ensure such a secure future world for kids. Good parenting is to be able to bring up strong children, who can face the good, bad and ugly sides of the world that is waiting for them and grow into confident adults who know they can handle their affairs and make their own decisions. And, for this to be possible, kids need to be made independent, and surely Helicopter Parenting isn't the way.

How do you know you are a helicopter parent?

Easy!

You do their school work.

You sit through their classes and monitor what the teacher says.

Justify your child's mistakes and even fight with the spouse in order to protect your child from unpleasantness.

Work hard to do the entire project work for your child so that he gets the best prize.

You are the one answering for your child in a parent-teacher meeting.

You never let them tackle their problems and make all the decisions for them.

You don't allow them to do housework either.

You are almost nagging incessantly to ensure children follow your schedule, and worry every minute about them.

You are constantly checking their phone, being around during their conversations, screen their friends.

The list can go on…

Instead, breathe-in, take a step back and watch your kid take care of themselves, and let them know you are around to help and support, just like you allowed them to take their first baby steps but were always around to hold them if they were going to fall.

Let them be…they will be fine. Know the thin line between care and obsession and try and stay on the right side.