I used to question myself whether my struggle is worthy or not: Bhuvan Dhall

Success and Failure are the two sides of the same coin. One leads to happiness, satisfaction, joy, an elated feeling while the other takes a mental toll, painful moments and sometimes leaves the person impaired.

Millions of teenagers aspire to be models and actors. Parents are usually not so sure about this field hence often these teenagers have to go against the will of their parents. Sometimes the parents are supoortive but not too often. Eventually They leave their homes and often their first choice is Mumbai(City of dreams). Mumbai has in it an ocean of options for this field. People from all around the country come here to leave a mark, to write their names in golden letters. But only a few survive while others unfortunately become another brick in the wall.

In an exclusive interview with one such aspiring model and actor, Bhuvan Dhall from Amritsar, shares his journey from scratch to till date.

"I was a small town boy who had lofty ambitions for himself. I basically hail from a middle class business family. There are so many figures whom you see from your childhood as inspiration. But, in my case, I didn't want to possess an identity which is taken from someone, be it may be my family and I never wanted to indulge myself in the same traditional business sector. I always dreamed of doing something in Bollywood industry, making an impression in the industry. To follow my passion I started working on myself at an early age. I did theatre for 3 years where I learned the art of acting from few of great artists.During that period of time I performed many stage roles. The moment when I performed my first stage show in front of the audience is something that I am so proud of, it is that memory that is etched on my heart," says Bhuvan.

I've learned a lot during that period. Gave a lot of auditions but It is not so simple that you come here from a small town and you become an actor. Initially I faced a lot of rejection but I never lost hope, everyday I would wake up with same zeal and dreams because I had faith in myself. You learn properly and experience it. People get things with time.

I did get one chance to work in a Hindi series, everything was on track but sadly contracted Dengue and that chance was gone. After this I started falling in reverse. I had given my crucial years to pursue my dreams. But in the end it all just fell apart. That hit hard with me on my psychology. All the struggle was seeming unfruitful. My 6-7 years of hard work just paid me nothing. It's like you dreamt of something, you have worked the hard way, you even reach there, now it's in front of you but you can just stare at it helplessly.

Everything collectively broke in front of my eyes. Numbness took over me. A stage had come when every family expects you to help them financially. But here I was having nothing in my pocket. Even my basic needs were met by doing small petty things.

My family gave me support to pursue my dreams and it was my chance to help them. My dreams were shattered and I just couldn't understand how to face my family. Things started gripping me so badly in its clutches that I slowly slowly started getting low. Negative thoughts enveloped me. I turned to look but all my people who claimed to be my "Good Friends and well-wishers" turned their back on me. I started getting anxiety attacks. Frustration and disproportionate anger added fuel to fire.

Eventually, leaving me dead from inside, depression took a toll so heavy, so deep, so menacing that it terrified me. Till day I could hear me sobbing in the corner of my room. Fighting with what ? My own thoughts. This is a time which makes you feel worthless.

Your are just a 67kh weight on the earth. Even gravity refuses to accept your existence. For the initial few weeks at home I just sat and stared at the wall, letting my dark imagination have the better of me. I could see myself performing, see myself acting,but not in reality instead in my wide eye open imagination. Family conditions required financial assistance so eventually had to take up job as a Process Trainer. Last but not the least, I question myself everyday, Was my struggle worth it ?

It was like story of a man, who worked as hard as he could to be something. No doubt the showbiz has given a lot to few but the number of people who have given their years to be something in this industry is much more. Just like Bhuvan there are millions whose dreams have been crushed and are in a dejected zone today. Just as he is suffering each day due to a thick cloud of negative thoughts and low feelings there are millions.

As teenagers the glittery world of modeling and acting seems lucrative but out of the millions only a few leave a mark rest are still struggling or have been in a depressed state or maybe gotten themselves in drugs zone. The figures have shown that nearly 68% of those who have failed in this showbiz have been depressed. The struggle for years, the multiple auditions, wandering from place to place and in the end rejected will certainly leave one depressed or with some mental issues.