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Gay couple voice doubts and hopes ahead of Irish marriage vote
Highlights
When Donal Traynor met Joseph Bowlby in Dublin in 1994, a year after Ireland decriminalised homosexuality, neither man ever imagined Ireland would one day hold a referendum on legalising same-sex marriage as it will this week.
When Donal Traynor met Joseph Bowlby in Dublin in 1994, a year after Ireland decriminalised homosexuality, neither man ever imagined Ireland would one day hold a referendum on legalising same-sex marriage as it will this week.
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"It feels really weird. It feels wrong," Traynor, 53, told AFP in the home he now shares with Bowlby and their two adopted sons in southeast Ireland.
"But on the other hand, if it passes, what an affirmation that would be for the years and years of work we've done to change our bit of Ireland!"
Bowlby, 55, who is originally from Alabama in the United States, said: "I still can't believe that there's a referendum on gay marriage."
He was holidaying in Ireland in 1994 when he first met Traynor.
They fell in love in an era of great social change in Ireland, not just for gay people. Divorce was soon to be legalised and Ireland's economy was about to take off like never before.
The couple moved to London in 2003 and returned last year as civil partners with two adopted boys.
They moved into a quiet housing estate on the edge of Dungarvan, a seaside town.
Both men recall a "different world" when they came out to their families as gay several decades ago.
When Traynor told his parents in 1979, they were devastated.
"I can't put into words the level of pain I could see in my parents' eyes. It was like their worst nightmare come true."
'Scaremongering'
The referendum to be held on Friday would mark a milestone in the life journey of both men, but also for Ireland, which until recently was marked by social conservatism under the watchful eye of the Catholic Church.
"Passing this referendum would mean we finally have a place at the table in Ireland and are recognised," Traynor said.
"The big word here is equality. It would mean we would be equal in the law and hopefully more and more in the general population's eyes," Joseph added.
The "No" side has focused its campaign on possible future implications for children and surrogacy.
One "No" poster of a young girl carries the caption: "She needs her mother for life, not just for nine months."
"It's scaremongering pure and simple," Bowlby said.
"Our lads have heard stuff on the radio or have heard people commenting and they really feel threatened," he said of their two children.
"Although we've assured them that is politics and not real life, they must at some level have a fear that they are going to be taken from us."
'Sinful poison'
The couple have decided not to take their children with them while out campaigning for a "Yes" vote for fear of any reprisals.
"Although attitudes have changed phenomenally, there still is a level of homophobia," Traynor said.
"If I was to bump into Joseph in town I wouldn't kiss him because you just don't want to attract negative attention on yourself. It's almost a subconscious thing."
He added that "a few of the people we met canvassing were actually quite vocal and unpleasant".
"Two of the younger girls were called dirty perverts and somebody said to them they should be saying their prayers and not pushing this sinful poison."
Both men say the focus of the "No" side on the suitability of gay people to raise children ignores the reality of non-traditional families in Ireland.
"What we can offer the children is safety, security, nurture as well as love," Traynor said.
They would love to get married if the referendum passes, but said they are too nervous to predict a "Yes" vote.
"If it doesn't go through I would just be so disappointed. I would feel let down as an Irishman," Traynor said.
"For me, it's about our boys. It says wherever they are, they can be whoever they want to be. They can be honest. And it would not just be us saying that, it would be society."
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