How to host a perfect New Years party

One should host a New Year’s party that will raise the bar. Probably right over the Barmans head.

Before hosting the party stock up on numerous posh bottles of liquor. Fill your posh bottles with bootleg hooch. If you haven't washed them well, and a guest points quivering at a swimming cockroach elaborate on how tequila with worms is so out now and single malt with roach is in.

Don't stress over the food much. If the liquors enough, the food will come out the way it went in any way. What's more important is to tell some earnest colleagues that the theme is white.

It's party time! Choose music that makes no sense at all, but is loud enough to perforate eardrums in the next neighborhood. Your party will be a rocking success and it will be talked about for years. Guests pour in. Spirits are poured out.