Is your preteen crying or angry often? Here’s what you need to know

If your preteen (aged 9 to 12) is suddenly more emotional or throwing tantrums over small things, you’re not alone. This is a normal part of their growing-up phase. Still, many parents find themselves confused, wondering, “Why is my child acting like this all of a sudden?” Let’s understand what’s going on—and how you can gently support them.

What’s happening inside them?

Preteens aren’t little kids anymore, but they’re not quite teenagers either. They’re in what’s often called the “in-between” or “tween” years. At this age, their bodies and brains are undergoing rapid changes.

To simplify it, imagine their brain has two key parts:

• One part controls emotions, and it becomes highly active during these years.

• The other part helps with logic, self-control, and decision-making, but it’s still developing.

As a result, they experience intense emotions like sadness, anger, or fear but often don’t know how to manage or express them. That’s why they may cry suddenly, get irritated easily, or act out in frustration.

Why the sudden tantrums?

Preteens are facing new challenges, and they may feel:

• Pressured by schoolwork or expectations

• Worried about friendships or fitting in

• Anxious about physical changes

• Misunderstood by parents or siblings

They often don’t have the vocabulary or confidence to talk about these feelings. So, their emotions come out as tears, outbursts, or tantrums. This doesn’t mean they’re being “naughty” or “dramatic”—they’re simply overwhelmed.

How can you support them?

Here are a few simple and effective ways to support your preteen:

1. Stay calm first

If your child is yelling or crying, try to remain calm. Your composure gives them a safe emotional space to settle down.

2. Say “I understand”

Instead of scolding, respond with: “I see you’re upset. I’m here for you.” This helps them feel heard and supported.

3. Teach coping tools

Show them simple ways to handle big emotions: deep breathing, drinking water, journaling, drawing, or taking a break.

4. Create talking moments

Spend quality time during dinner, bedtime, or a short walk. Gently ask how their day went—without pressuring them to talk.

5. Know when to seek help

If their emotional outbursts become too frequent or interfere with school or daily life, consider consulting a child expert or parenting coach. Preteens are navigating a storm of emotional, physical, and social changes. They’re figuring out who they are and how to handle their feelings. With your love, patience, and gentle guidance, you can help them grow into emotionally healthy and confident individuals.