The number game

Eid, Diwali, Christmas, New Year release rush - dear Bollywood, stop insulting us and stop degrading yourself!

‘Sholay’, ‘Deewar’, ‘Zanjeer’, ‘Ghayal’, ‘Ram Lakhan’, ‘Once Upon a time in Mumbai’, ‘Kahani’, ‘Baby’, ‘Gangs of Wasseypur’, ‘Paan Singh Tomar’.

There, I have tried to balance some of my favourite movies, which are reasonably re-watchable. They are loved by critics as well as masses. Some expected and some unexpected Box Office smashes.

Now I ask you a simple question. How many of these were released on Eid, Diwali, Christmas, New Year, Sankranti or Lohri? How many of these were strategically positioned for the long weekends? How many of these were released on maximum possible screens on that side of the Atlantic? Chances are most of us will not be able to recall. And we shouldn’t. We go into a cinema hall not to keep chronicles. We go in to get entertained.

Therefore, dear Bollywood, when a so-called iconic superstar wants to release his movies on a long weekend or a public holiday with maximum possible screens, he is not just displaying the hollowness of his own faith in his own product. He is also actually insulting his end buyer. Sure it is a clever business strategy; confidence in the product it is not.

No, I am not trying to be a preacher on someone else’s money. A maker has to be sure of ensuring that his ROI (return on investment) is in place. That is fair enough. But what these makers also grossly end up underestimating the audience intelligence. This then leads to what has now become famous – the Monday crash after the huge weekend opening numbers.

Sure, no one will watch a movie by bunking office, so Mondays could bring in less money than a Sunday. But a movie, at least a well-made movie tends to work over a period of time. The biggest example being ‘Paan Singh Tomar’, which in this day and age of high screen release ended up making solid ‘moolah’ at the Box Office purely on its content despite being in the Kanastar waiting for a distributor for three good years. The beauty of the content and Irrfan Khan’s intensity made us come back to the ticket counter again and again. So did ‘Gangs of Wasseypur’.

Here is another example of why there is so much buzz around a ‘Ghayal Returns’ or how the remake ‘Agneepath’ ended up collecting a cruel box office judgement of the original classic, which was released coincidentally the same year as ‘Ghayal’. It happened dear Bollywood, because the audience tends to remember. It fondly remembers ‘Ghayal’ and has been waiting for the almost retired Sunny to hit the brooding Ajay Mehra’s character on screen again. Over the years we did realise that Vijay Dinanath Chauhan deserved better respect and tried releasing as many ‘Sanwariyas on as many Diwalis as possible. But it will keep getting kicked at the Box Office.

The biggest hoax that Bollywood has been pulling on us is that the new generation is attention-challenged and cannot separate true content from aggressively marketed ones. Some of this is true…only some of it. If the young Gen-X was so dumb, ‘Besharam’ would have been the next ‘Dabangg’. Yet it was not. If this generation was dumb, then ‘Dil Dhadakne Do’, which is another subtle genius presentation from Zoya Akhtar would not have been raking in quiet, consistent under-rated numbers at the Box Office. If they were so dumb, they would surely not have appreciated this movie in which the most pivotal role belongs to Anil Kapoor, whose last BO hit probably came in the last century. Sorry Anil, this does not take away the fact that you remain Indian cinema’s most dangerous scene stealer in the last three decades, besides Govinda.

In short, Bollywood makers, we will watch your movies despite an IPL season. The unexpected numbers for ‘Ek Paheli Leela’ are proof to this. Released bang in between IPL it still earned double its cost at the Box Office, and not for obvious reasons. It was a reasonably well presented story.

And if Eid, Diwali, Christmas or New Year are the only days, which make a movie, then why worship the Khans? Make a movie on any damned available popat and release it on 5,000 screens this Eid. I’m sure it will work, no?

- Rahul Deo Bharadwaj