Hyderabadi E-Style English!

In Hyderabad the mega metropolis predominantly Telugu and Urdu are spoken but there is a strange fascination for talking in English. This leads to many funny situations.

Indians are excellent native language speakers,but they tend to think in their native language and then try to translate their thought process into English.

We have gems like “what is your good name?” (aap ka subh naam kya hai) and “You have to tie the fees in front of the due date” which is a true translation from Telugu where ‘kattadam’ is both paying the due amount and tying something to a post.

I was puzzled when my friends have said “why have you taken so much risk in arranging such an elaborate function/party”. I always wondered “I have only hosted a party and not fought any war.

Where is the risk factor?” The reason, a friend explained “the word risk is wrongly used, what they mean is straining oneself”. Students should practice to think, visualize and talk directly in English.

Take a bag and go out and someone would hail you “Going marketing?” Excuse me! “I was only going to the nearest market to buy groceries, how can I go for marketing so casually which is a very elaborate subject?”

An apartment block had a tenth pass watchman. The apartment block was being besieged by unwanted salesmen. The apartment owners asked the “English educated watchman” to put up a notice.

He put up a notice “No Sales, Men allowed”. He was severely reprimanded and finally he corrected the sign as “Salesmen not allowed”. A disgruntled Salesman rubbed some of the letters off selectively to make the sign read “Salesmen loved”

Most hospitals have sisters (nurses are popularly called sisters in India). They sometimes fill up the preliminary case sheet. One sister made this report “Patient has one small son at home.

So she wants to remove her stomach”. On enquiry the real story come out. The patient had a baby at home. She was pregnant again and wanted an abortion as she feared that she could not manage two kids.

An abortion was reported as removing of stomach that is stomach stapling which is a surgical procedure to cure morbid obesity.

Another sister made out this gem “Patient complaining of pain. Wants an abortion. Mother-in-law can’t see”. The doctor asked the nurse “I can understand the patient’s problem.

But why don’t we refer the Mother-in-law to an Ophthalmologist?” The nurse sheepishly answered “Nahi doctor madam, the mother-in-law can’t bear seeing her daughter-in-law’s pain. There is nothing wrong with her eyes”

A small sugar cane juice seller put up a sign. Amitabh – 5 rupees and Jaya Bhaduri – Rs 2.50. What he meant was big glass – 5 rupees and small glass – Rs 2.50. For the uninitiated Amitabh Bachaan the superstar of India is very tall and his wife Jaya Bhaduri also an actor is small and petite.

Small time motorcycle mechanics in Hyderabad would be seen shouting “Arey Chotu, 2-3 paana”. Paana? Paana is the Hyderabadi word for Spanner.

As a child I remember going to a stationery shop and asking for a sharpener. The shop keeper was puzzled. Luckily for me I could spot a sharpener and pointed it out to him.

He said “Arey babuwohthoChakmaar hai – (translated it means – hey boy that is a sharpener)” and gave me a Hyderabadi sharpener (Chakmaar).

My mother’s friend was taking a new type of medication. My mother enquired “is it Homeopathy that you are taking?” Her friend promptly said “No Hemalatha garu not Homeopathy, I am taking Ompathy” (Ompathy – Oh my god! What a name for Homeopathy, let god have sympathy on us!).

A newly minted doctor asked for a signboard. What he got almost killed the doctor. The sign said “Drxxxxx The Rapist”. The doctor was a Therapist!

Children in Hyderabad play a hide and seek game where the catcher sings out “Iceboy” when he sees a hidden friend. “Iceboy" is the Hyderabadi equivalent for the game "I saw a boy”.

The common way of talking to each other in Hyderabad would be to say “I say you” and “what say you, who is this pencil, my’s?” This is what the Queen’s English has become in Hyderabad.

(I told you and you told me, whose pencil is this? And mine for the grammatically inclined readers). Students plead with teachers “May I wash your hands?” instead of saying “may I wash my hands”.

This was the result of the teacher telling them “wash your hands after visiting the wash room”

One of my students came out with an interesting word of his own. He said that the popular word for eraser was lubber (rubber).

Also it is quite common to hear customers shout out “I need a chilling cold drink” in a hotel. What the customer wants is a chilled cold drink. Chilling is a process and chilled is the end result!

Hyderabad is known for its mandis (huge wholesale markets). Fruit sellers sell fruits in small hundreds and big hundreds.

A small hundred (chinna Vanda) is 96 mangoes like in the case of a hundred page note book and big hundred (peddha Vanda) is 192 mangoes like in the case of a 200 page note book.

I teach students who come from all over India. Their pronunciation leaves me baffled. One student came up to me and said “when will you taste me?” I was perplexed. Then it dawned on me.

He meant “when will you test me?” Similarly another query that I get “what is the massage of the lecture?” Massage that is message spelt as massage.

Students from eastern India have a very nasal accent. Computer becomes cumputer and customer becomes Cushtomer. I was so vexed that once I said “Kastlegemarnewala, hai kya aap ka Cushtomer”? (Translated it means is your customer going to die due to long standing suffering?).

I was conducting some job interviews and I asked one of girls “what is your strength?” “I am very carrier oriented”. This was an absolute stunner.

I asked “which carrier, tiffin carrier or cycle carrier?” The sheepish look on the student’s face revealed the truth “I am career oriented”.

Similarly another student’s strength was “I am carrying”. How does being pregnant become one’s strength? Before you scratch your head in amazement let me take the cat out of the bag. The student meant “caring” which is being passionate about people and their welfare.

Many of the TV anchors and experts are seen saying “Both of you all danced very well” – Both of you should be used and not both of you all.